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Jun. 7th, 2010


My friend and I were talking about how people post stupid status updates about their personal life on facebook only so other people will ask them about it. We were talking about how people are self absorbed. She and I both agreed this is stupid and neither of us will post about personal stuff.

I sign on to facebook, her update is about personal stuff.

So like...where did she miss the boat?

Am I the only one who finds facebook status updates to be ridiculously lame and retarded?

No one cares about my life, I am not some celebrity, I do not shit gold bars, so why post it for everyone to read about?!

Ugh rant over.

Jan. 30th, 2010

(no subject)

So I realized tonight through my own actions that I have a really strong desire to have everyone like me. Even if I dont like them. I want those people to like me no matter what. I defended myself when I didnt need to and it made me look stupid and totally gave away a fact that I didnt want anyone to know. I am so stupid. This incident also made me want to cut myself. I feel strange calling my sponsor over this so I didnt even though I should have. So Im sure this will keep me up worried for a few days. Things like this usually do. Kinda like after my relapse, I didnt wanna leave the hosue cuz I was afraid my neighbors saw what happened or saw when my friend called the cops. Now Im gonna be afraid to leave cuz Im afraid my neighbors will see me and think Im the bitch neighbor who called the cops. I just want so badly to be friends with my neighbors or even just talk to them that I flew off the handle when they accused me of calling the cops all the other times. I should have just stayed quiet. They wouldnt have bothered me and I wouldnt have bothered them. But now I look stupid and made a fool out of myself and want to cut myself over it. Ugh Im so stupid. Stupid and ridiculous.

Mar. 3rd, 2009

Writer's Block: More Island Time

You're packing your bag for that other desert island—the one with no electricity—what 5 books do you take with you?

The Bible
Shakespeare Collected Plays

I just basically thought of books I wouldnt get sick of reading over and over.

Feb. 27th, 2009

Writer's Block: AKA

What's the story behind your username?

Its the name of a book about self injury. A memoir. The zeros are just for filler I guess. They mean nothing.

Feb. 22nd, 2009

To God:

Why cant I be happy!? What is so hard about this request? Just give me a few simple things to make me happy and leave me alone! Why do I wanna cut myself all the time, why do I wanna drink to numb the pain i feel, why do I feel like crying at the most inappropriate moments, why dont I feel what I should be feeling for someone I love? What am I doing wrong??????? I just dont get it! Give me a fucking clue. Just one. Just at least hint at what I should be doing to turn this life around because I have no idea what Im doing wrong. Ive tried to figured it out a million times and I have not gotten any closer to the answer. I just dont get it. They always say to remember to ask for help well here ya go...Im asking for help. So help me.

Feb. 11th, 2009

(no subject)

Something is happening to me and I dont know what. I havent felt good since I got out of the hospital and since I started medication. The medication helps my mental issues but makes me feel emotionally and physically like absolute shit. I just want to feel better. I cannot function anymore. Im going to lose everything and then Ill be alone. Im so scared. I dont wanna go back to the hospital. Im so scared that Ill never get better. I feel so alone and so scared.

Feb. 6th, 2009


I feel blah tonight. I had a great weekend with my love but I feel blah on the inside. I have plenty of chocolate chip cookies for comfort though. I hate feeling blah.

I feel more than blah. I feel like something inside of me is dying. Like a part of me is dying.

Im dying.

Writer's Block: Conchordance

Who is cuter: Bret or Jemaine?

Ok either this means Im too fucking old or just plain out of the loop...actually both cuz who the hell are bret and jemaine??

Jan. 29th, 2009

(no subject)

I dunno how much longer I can hold on.

I dont want to die but I dont want to live like this. I dont wanna live like this.

What am I supposed to do!

I hate this!!

I am so tired. So tired...tired...tired.

Jan. 27th, 2009

A Letter to a Loved One

Dear Me,

I hate you.


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