I dont feel crazy. Not like I used to. THings are more balanced in my head, less fuzzy but I still have a problem. Im an addict. Food, cutting, fantasies. Ex addict of alcohol, cigarettes and men.
Well, I still love men, they just love me back for the wrong reasons and sometimes, the right ones don't even love me back how I need them to. Never seems to fall into place in that category.
I've kinda accepted the fact I may never get what i want with the love thing, or what i need. Although I dunno for sure what i need...
But I am addicted. I may have born normal, but I am not living normally.
I am very unsatisfied. Nothing seems to fill the hole anymore. Something did a long time ago, I'm not sure what it was but I remember feeling a little more filled up...a little more full. I can't seem to get full. With food or anything. Nothing helps fill in the cracks anymore.
My Mom would say it's God. Other people would say it's AA. I would say...well, If I knew I would fill the crack wouldn't I?
Maybe for now, I'll keep doing what I'm doing carefully until I feel better, until I feel like I need to make some sort of real move.
Until next time...